At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Less talking, more tequila
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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