I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
