ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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