when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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