operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
