Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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