i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
