It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
