whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
