I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
