I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize