you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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