Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
