"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
