lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
