I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize