guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
