I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize