I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
