oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize