Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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