i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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