remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She announced her abortion via fbk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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