For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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