In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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