i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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