I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
