I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
