Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
