So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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