i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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