She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
