Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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