Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
