i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
