I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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