if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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