The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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