Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
