Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
