Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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