I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
