I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
