were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
