Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
