PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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