you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I touched a dick in church today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
