After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
