So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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