PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
