How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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