The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
