Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
