I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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