But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
