Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
