jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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