I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pappa wants mamma naked
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
