I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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