i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
