So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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