My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
