i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
