The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
