Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
