It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
