What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
