drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
